The cynical crayon
OK lets not oversell, my friends think that I'm funny; Is that like having your mom say you're pretty?
Questions? drop me a line: cynicalcrayon@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @cynicalcrayon
Happy Victoria day to all of my fellow Canadians! I hope you guys had a great long weekend :) To all my American friends, happy Monday.
So my kids are playing with their toys and pretending to drive. I hear the usual vroom vroom sounds and then I overhear my daughter say this “Are you serious! You can’t be serious! You can’t just stop your car in the middle of the road like that. Geeze man, you drive like an animal. How do these damn people get their drivers licenses!”
Oooppssss…I guess it could have been worse.
The next time I get behind the wheel, I need to remember to watch the road and my words.
Hasbro the toy company behind Transformers, GI Joe and My Little Pony, loves to squeeze every cent possible out of a brand. Hence toys turning into TV shows and movies. And now, with MLP, there’s a new “brand extension,” Equestrian Girls.
Oh no! Say it aint so. This looks like a hot mess. They can’t be serious?
My kids love My Little Pony! Something about those little plastic horses makes them really happy. The other day I went to Walmart and discovered that they make a fake version of them. Score!
Instead of paying 10$ for a little plastic toy. I can pay $1 for a little plastic toy. My kids can’t tell the difference and I get to save some cash.
Win-Win!
Who remembers Nuprin?
My husband had a head ache so I told him to take some Advil. He was looking through the cuppord and then he turned to me and said
Nuprin, Little,Yellow,different,better. I hadn’t heard that name in years! We both had a good laugh and then I wondered. Do they still make Nuprin?
- I was home with the kids and we were hanging out. We were playing with some toys, when all of a sudden the doorbell rings. I look through the window and I see two women at the door. I figured they were selling chocolates or soliciting donations so I open the door.
- Jehovah #1: Hello and good morning
- Me: Hello...
- Jehovah #1: We are from the Kingdom hall and we are Jehovah's witnesses.
- Me: Yeah, I figured as much when I saw the bibles and the pamphlets.
- Jehovah #1: We came to talk to you about the violence in today's society.
- Me: OK...
- Jehovah #1: Do you think increased police presence would help?
- Me: Help what? The violence? I don't think it would help anything.
- Jehovah # 2: Its a huge problem and we need to find a way to...
- My daughter: Hi! Hello there! Mommy who are you talking to?
- My son: Who is that? What's in the bag? Can you read me a story?
- Me: These nice ladies are hear to talk about some stuff.
- My son: We are busy playing! Come back another time.
- My daughter: Bye-bye ladies, Mommy can't talk becuase she needs to take care of us. Go talk to the neighbours, they don't have kids.
- Jehovah #1: Laughing, I guess we will let you go.
- Jehovah #2: Thank you for your time. You have yourself a good afternoon.
- My son: (Closing the door) See you next time!
Maybe its just me, but something about the way these flowers landed on the cars wind shield reminds me of something. You don’t see it? OK I’ll give you a hint.
Think back to those old sex-ed videos we watched in high school.
Wait for it….Yup! There it is.
The other day my daughter asked me why I don’t wear high heels. I told her I do when I go out. Wearing high heels at the park really isn’t practical. She gave me a funny look, shrugged her shoulders and went back to playing with her toys.
Later that day we were watching TV and I realized something. Minnie Mouse and Daisy duck wear high heels 24/7. These cartoon characters wear heels while bike riding and roller-blading.
No wonder my daughter gave me that look. She must think I’m crazy. If Minnie & Daisy can play sports in heels, why can’t I wear them to the park or around the house?
I saw this Online and I find it to be incredibly bizarre. This coat rack freaks me out and the scarf reminds me of Freddy Krueger.
While I admire the creativity, my first question is how did she ever come up with this idea? Then my second question is where do you get all limbs? Can you buy bags of arms and legs? Or do you have to buy a bunch of cheap dolls and amputate them?
I’ve decided that there is no way I’ll ever get to the bottom of this. The only Doll parts I like are sung by Hole.
They are 1 percenters who are 100 percent despicable.Some wealthy Manhattan Moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World by hiring disabled people to pose as family…
That’s it, I’m done! This is one of the sleaziest thing I’ve ever heard of. Rich people renting disabled people so they can skip the lines at Disney World. Really? I also find it weird that people are willing to pimp themselves out like that. Does this tour company have a catalogue of people from various genders,ethnicities and mobility on standby for their rich clients?
Can you imagine all these kids looking at old vacation pictures, trying to figure out who the guy in the wheelchair is? I wonder who you can pay to explain that little gem.
Furthermore what kind of message are you sending your kids? Always tell the truth, except for today. We paid that woman in the scooter to be your Grandma.
Too bad Pinocchio is just a story, otherwise Disney security would have an easy time escorting these people out of the park. I guess it really is a small world after all; Especially if you get to wait in shorter lines.
