The cynical crayon

Pssssst….Hey you! Yeah you! The one in the park with your children running wild. One kid about to run into the busy street. Another on the verge of a swan dive, off the jungle gym. 

May I offer you a piece of unsolicited advice?

Put down your damn phone,book,magazine or any other handheld distraction. Keep an eye on your kids!!!! The park is a safe place, when there is appropriate supervision.  When your kids are acting crazy it makes it hard for other people to enjoy themselves. Kids have lots of energy and the park is a great place to expend it. 

You know what the park isn’t good for? Its not a good place for children under the age of 4 to play unsupervised. Children are innocent creatures capable of just about anything. They have limitless imaginations. You read your child a story about birds and they start flapping their arms. Next thing you know your kid thinks they can fly.

This why the park is not the place to take a mental vacation. This not the place to catch up on email, read your twitter feed, play angry birds or use your ipad. 

When your 14 month old is about to face plant off the slide, you shouldn’t be on your phone. I take my kids to the park to have fun and it’s MY responsibility to ensure their safety.

There is an old African proverb that says it takes a village to raise a child.  I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. Neighbourhood parks instil a sense of community. We see our friends and neighbours and we all want to have a good time. We look out for one another.  

I have two kids and there is only one of me. Maybe my daughter wants to swing and my son wants to go on the slide. I split my time between the two activities so that I can keep an eye on both of them. This involves lots of running around and some multitasking but I get it done. When we go to the park in groups, we make sure that one of us has some type of visual on the kids. 

When I see your child doing something dangerous I have to act. As a mother and human being. I am not going to stand by and watch your kid get hurt. That being said I shouldn’t have to babysit your child when you are in the park! 

Hang up the phone or put the book down. Your kids deserve better.

Don’t turn a blind eye when your child is terrorizing other children. Parents you know the kid I’m talking about. They are cursing ,throwing sand at other kids or stealing toys. Discipline your children. You aren’t doing them any favours by teaching them to be egocentric little hoodlums. Truth be told, sometimes my son is that unruly kid. At age 2 1/2 he isn’t always on his best behaviour.

That being said, I have no problem with finding a quiet spot in the park and administering a time-out. He needs to know that type of behaviour is unacceptable. 

Parents! Get off your ass and get your hands dirty. Play in the sandbox and go kick a ball. Don’t promise to take your child to the park unless you plan on going…. Body & mind.

Originally posted April 18,2012

My kids have been up since 6:30am. They “claim” they are hungry but are eating at a snails pace. We are now closing in on 7:54am and my daughter still hasn’t finished breakfast yet. My son wolfed down his food and is playing with his toys.

All I gave her was 1 piece of toast with Peanut-butter some apple slices,1 glass of milk and a chewable vitamin D.

Aaarrggghhhh! Why won’t she just eat?

Someday this what life brings. My kids were screaming and yelling and being really grouchy. I decided that giving them a snack would calm them down. Well I was halfway right…

I gave them each a box of raisins and they settled down. I figured since they were calm I could treat myself to a rare luxury. A companionless visit to the bathroom. This also happens to be the moment, that daughter decided to stick a raisin up her nose. Upon my return to the kitchen, she calmly walked over and told me that there was “something” in her nose.

When I inquired as to what the “something” was, my son told me they were “eating raisins with their noses”.  After my initial assessment internal freak out, I took a deep breath and remembered the old snot rocket technique.

Guess what? it worked like a charm and as an added bonus; My son now thinks I am such a cool Mom for “making raisins fly from big sisters nose”.

• You have to wet your hands first, then use soap.
• Once you have washed your hands don’t dip them back in the bubbles.
• You don’t need to wash all the way up to your elbow, you are not performing surgery.
• I’m sorry the Green soap didn’t turn your hands Green.
• The soap may smell like candy but you can’t eat it.
• Use the towel not your pants.
• Once the towel has gone in the potty you can’t use it again.
• It doesn’t matter if you didn’t pee on your hands. You still have to wash them.
• You wipe first, then you flush. When you’ve done all that wash your hands.
• Yes you still have to wash your hands even though I wiped you.
• You have to turn off the tap, the water will not stop by itself.