The cynical crayon

Can you imagine a store with bargain-basement prices selling merchandise made of inferior quality? Yet there are throngs of people lining up to buy it.

The dollar store is a weird place. Everything in the store is cheap and there are rows and rows of crappy merchandise available for purchase.  Certain items are on par with the quality you can find in other stores, but you can get them for less. Other things are just so laughably pitiful that you have to wonder, who in the hell buy this crap?

Going to the the dollar store is like taking a shit. Everybody does it , but nobody talks about it. There is a strange sense of shame associated with shopping there. I know people who used to bring their own bags way before it was the fashionable or the Eco-friendly thing to do. The reason being they didn’t want people knowing that they shopped there. I shop there from time to time and I am not ashamed to admit it.

I went to to Dollar store today and I spotted a curious item. Next to the playing cards and cigarette lighters I saw gift cards. Many stores carry gift cards to other establishments, but these were gift cards to the actual dollar store.

Why would you give someone a gift card to the dollar store?  Nowadays you can get gift cards from every single store, but the dollar store really?  What exactly goes through your head when you choose to give someone a gift card to the dollar store?

The most bizarre thing about these gift cards are the amounts. They came in $10, $25, & $50!!!! Nobody wants a $50 gift card to the dollar store; If someone gave me a $50 gift card to the dollar store I would feel as I was being punished.

Clearly this a way to torment me. I don’t want $50 worth of crap in my house. This is akin to taking money and lighting it a blaze. Only an idiot would waste money like that. 

Maybe this is something you do as a gag?  The person opens the gift and everybody has a good laugh. You don’t actually put money on it.  Then you give them the real present. A simple harmless joke. 

Otherwise a gift card to the dollar store is never a good idea. Period!

The other day I was looking through some old papers and I found my old CV. That little sheet of paper was a running history of my working career. Like most people entering the job market I had my share of minimum wage jobs. I worked as a receptionist, telemarketer, collection agent and customer service representative just to name a few.

When I first started working back in the late 90’s job titles were pretty straight-forward. Back then if you worked in a store standard job titles were clerk,salesperson and manager. 

Other job titles would be, Doctor, Lawyer,Chef, Teacher,Professor etc etc,

I worked at a grocery store and for that I was given the distinguished title of Cashier. Then after mastering the fruit and vegetable codes I was promoted to the role of supervisor.

Pretty basic stuff. The job title clearly explained my job and level of responsibility.

Cashier = Person who works the cash register
Supervisor= Person who supervises the cashiers

The common theme was that the job title told you all you needed to know about the job. Ah the 90’s and early 2000’s, it was a simpler time.

Now the job titles are overly complicated.  Everyone wants to feel important at  work. I get it, but I think we are starting to get carried away.

Director of first impressions = Receptionist
Knowledge officer = Librarian
Learning solutions consultant = Trainer
Canine relocation specialist = Dog catcher/animal control worker
Hygiene Control Specialist = Janitor
Tonsorial artist = hair dresser

My personal favorite : Transparency-Enhancement Facilitator = Window washer

As my daughter would say C’mon people!

I eat at subway from time to time. The food is OK if you need something quick. But I really think it’s a stretch to call the employees “Sandwich Artists”. Could somebody tell me where the artistry is hiding?

Should I imagine that there is some behind the scenes choreography happening? All I see is some guy making me a sandwich and giving me a drink.  Maybe that’s just me? 

Other companies try to be more inclusive. They don’t have employees they have partners,associates or team-mates.

Let’s get real for a minute. Job titles can get longer and longer but one thing will remain the same. The people with some of the most important jobs have some of the shortest and simplest titles.

Which would you prefer: Temporary part-time libraries North-West inter-library loan business unit administration assistant or CEO?