The cynical crayon

I'm Cynical,mostly facetious,always bespectacled & hilarious. This where I chronicle the trials and tribulations of life as a stay at home mom.

OK lets not oversell, my friends think that I'm funny; Is that like having your mom say you're pretty?

Questions? drop me a line: or follow me on Twitter @cynicalcrayon
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Posts tagged "motherhood"

Would you apply for a job that has these requirements:

• Standing up almost all the time

• Constantly exerting yourself

• Working from 135 to unlimited hours per week

• Degrees in medicine, finance and culinary arts necessary

• No vacations

• The work load goes up on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and other holidays

• No time to sleep

• Salary = $0

Probably not, but many people already have the job. Watch this until the end to find out the other name for the Director of Operations. I promise it’s worth it!

GPOY: When my kids are fighting about something trivial. 

GPOY: When my kids are fighting about something trivial. 

“A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters’ role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.” ― Victoria Secunda

Mothers & Daughters via Instagram

R.I.P old friend…

R.I.P old friend…

Thank God for my loving husband, who has been taking care of us this holiday season. With two sick kids and a sick wife, he has been our rock.

He is literally the last man standing in this house filled with sickies. 

If that weren’t enough he has been running all the errands and doing the last minute Christmas shopping. My wonderful husband took care of the kids this morning and let me sleep in, until 11am !!!

I love you so much and thanks again.


The only thing worse than fighting traffic to get my kids to swimming lessons, is getting there late. Only to discover a dearth of parking, when I finally managed to find a spot it was almost at the end of the lot.

We get out of the car and run to the building, only to have my son blow chunks in the locker room. If motherhood is some type of a test, this morning definitely requires a retake. 

This is my dance. I hope you like it; If not that’s too bad. Its the only dance I know.
My 4 1/2 year old daughter’s announcement moments before she performed her dance routine. 

Yesterday I was getting dressed and my son looked at me and said “Mommy your stomach is enormous”. I shrugged it off and told my son it’s not nice to say things that like that.

A few minutes later he said it again. He kept repeating it and it was starting to make me feel bad. Sure I’m not as skinny as I used to be, but cut me some slack. I’m a thirty-five year old woman who has had two kids.

After fifteen minutes of listening to my two and a half year old’s disparaging remarks, I snapped! I got really angry and yelled at him. I told him to knock it off because he was hurting my feelings.

My son ran out the room and started to cry. A few minutes later he apologized and gave me a big hug. Later that morning he started up again. “Mommy you have a big tummy”

I asked why he kept saying that, especially since I told him it hurts my feelings. My son looked up at me with his big brown eyes, what he said made me feel like the worst mother in the world.

“All Mommies have enormous tummies, that’s where the babies live”

I gave my son the biggest hug and told him that I loved him, it was all I could do to keep from crying. He wasn’t saying that I was fat. I was projecting my insecurities on to my son. At age two he had no concept of weight or body image. In all honesty, he really didn’t understand what he was saying.

In his mind he was simply stating a fact, there was no malice behind it. I am ashamed to admit that I made my child cry because of my own issues.

In that moment my two year old behaved with more maturity than me. What my son said may have hurt my feelings, but I was the one who acted like a jerk.

Yes! This deserves a standing ovation. You should never feel embarrassed or be made to feel ashamed about feeding your baby. Regardless of where you are or who you are with!

Poop in my purse has been featured on project Underblog!

This was an old post of mine but its still funny. Just thought I’d let you guys know.  I was pretty excited that they published it.

Feel free to check them out, they have lots of great writers.

Project UnderBlog is a place where bloggers are accepted based on the power of their words and not on the reach of their numbers – where they can be heard, promoted, and celebrated no matter their size. It is about celebrating the fierceness of the “underblog.”