The cynical crayon

I'm Cynical,mostly facetious,always bespectacled & hilarious. This where I chronicle the trials and tribulations of life as a stay at home mom.

OK lets not oversell, my friends think that I'm funny; Is that like having your mom say you're pretty?

Questions? drop me a line: cynicalcrayon@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @cynicalcrayon
Recent Tweets @
Posts tagged "toddlers"

Look who got dressed all by himself! He was beaming with pride.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him his clothes were on backwards. 

They say that fashion trends come and go, so maybe the whole Kriss Kross thing will come back again?

I’m not sure if we had a full moon or something; But this Meme describes my son perfectly! He used be a good sleeper. Lately he has become a bit of a challenge.
Plus my daughters naps are getting shorter and shorter. What is happening to my champion sleepers? I’d better get to the bottom of this, or the balance of 2013 is going to be wretched. 

I’m not sure if we had a full moon or something; But this Meme describes my son perfectly! He used be a good sleeper. Lately he has become a bit of a challenge.

Plus my daughters naps are getting shorter and shorter. What is happening to my champion sleepers? I’d better get to the bottom of this, or the balance of 2013 is going to be wretched. 

These photographs were taken 2 years apart. *Sniff*

My little girl is growing up too quickly.

Please excuse me while I cry quietly into my breakfast cereal.

  • We took the kids out for a fun morning activity (Zoo,museum,park etc..)
  • They have fun! Too much fun. Translation: They don’t want to leave.
  • My daughter gets upset but understands that we have to go. 
  • My son freaks out and loses his shit! Epic temper tantrum!!!
  • My son cries and screams non-stop for the entire 35 minute ride home.
  • My daughter is exhausted but is unable to sleep in the car. She has the misfortune of sitting next to her brother a.k.a Sir-screams-a-lot.
  • Now both kids are grumpy and hungry so lunch time is rocky
  • Fast forward to 1 hour later. My daughter is awake.
  • She didn’t nap long enough and is stomping around the house pouting.
  • Fast forward 15 minutes. My daughter’s footwork has woken up my son.
  • I Now have 2 cranky kids that are at each other’s throats. 
  • Snack time goes over well and the kids are happy. At least for now.
  • I now begin the delicate process of walking around on eggshells. Hoping and praying that nothing I say,do or think upsets the delicate balance of my children’s present mood. 
Daddy stop tagonizing my sister!
My 2 1/2 year old son attempting to tell his father to stop antagonizing his sister. 
My son was deep in the throws of an epic temper tantrum. He was kicking and screaming. There was lots of crying and my son was practically foaming from the mouth. My head was throbbing and I could feel myself getting more and more frustrated. So I took my son and put him in his room, I closed the door and walked away. He cried for a few minutes but then he got quiet.  I calmed myself down and decided to check in on him. The poor little guy fell asleep on the floor. I felt terrible looking at him lying there so I picked him up.
 
Big mistake! There’s an old expression let sleeping dogs lie. Lets just say that the same goes with toddlers. Had I left him there on the floor, he would have probably slept for an hour maybe more. Instead I unleashed a wild fury; Basically the shit hit the fan!
 
He was over tired and angry, it took me 15 minutes to calm him down and eventually I was able to give him an early lunch and put him down for a nap. He slept for almost 3 hours and awoke happy and smiling.
 
I’m still not sure what set him off, but I now know that if it ever happens again. My son is going to wake up with wood grain imprinted on his face. 
 
image

Taking a break

So what if this stroller is for dolls? That doesn’t stop my kids. My daughter plays Mommy and takes her brother aka baby for a walk because according to her “Babies need fresh air and Mummies need exercise”.

19 plays
My daughter at age 2 1/2

My daughter loves to sing and dance. Ever since she was a baby I would sing to her and we would dance around the house. When she was younger we would listen to lots of kids songs.

After awhile I got fed up with all the crappy music and started playing songs that I like. I love the Beatles and I decided to teach her the words to Yesterday. We started off slowly and then she just took to it. This MP3 is my daughter singing one of our favourite songs.

I am so proud of her and when I listen to this it always makes me smile. My son likes music too and I can’t wait to see what songs he will sing. 

  • I was home with the kids and we were hanging out. We were playing with some toys, when all of a sudden the doorbell rings. I look through the window and I see two women at the door. I figured they were selling chocolates or soliciting donations so I open the door.
  • Jehovah #1: Hello and good morning
  • Me: Hello...
  • Jehovah #1: We are from the Kingdom hall and we are Jehovah's witnesses.
  • Me: Yeah, I figured as much when I saw the bibles and the pamphlets.
  • Jehovah #1: We came to talk to you about the violence in today's society.
  • Me: OK...
  • Jehovah #1: Do you think increased police presence would help?
  • Me: Help what? The violence? I don't think it would help anything.
  • Jehovah # 2: Its a huge problem and we need to find a way to...
  • My daughter: Hi! Hello there! Mommy who are you talking to?
  • My son: Who is that? What's in the bag? Can you read me a story?
  • Me: These nice ladies are hear to talk about some stuff.
  • My son: We are busy playing! Come back another time.
  • My daughter: Bye-bye ladies, Mommy can't talk becuase she needs to take care of us. Go talk to the neighbours, they don't have kids.
  • Jehovah #1: Laughing, I guess we will let you go.
  • Jehovah #2: Thank you for your time. You have yourself a good afternoon.
  • My son: (Closing the door) See you next time!